Street · Port Vesper
Six Predictions Madame Ozerova Made for Port Vesper Critics, Ranked by Wrongness
Port Vesper's best-known spiritual adviser reads fortunes for the city's critics. Here are the six she got most wrong, least wrong first.
By Desmond Achterberg · Friday, 30 October 2026 · 1 min read
6. A dance critic would finally enjoy an interval. He left during it.
5. A film critic on Kelp Row would find peace by Easter. In April he sat through four hours on a harbour crane.
4. A food critic would lose his appetite. He ordered the tasting menu twice.
3. A theatre critic would never write the word unwatchable again. He wrote it Thursday. Twice.
2. An art critic would receive a letter from the sea. It was a parking fine from the Long Pier.
1. A music critic would be loved by all. He is not, and he checked.
A seventh came true. Madame Ozerova asked us to leave it out. So did the critic.